Debate: Rape or Ape?

Gentlemen, please. Remain calm. The following debate is intended to ignite the most base instincts within us. It is something I have pondered often and a dilemma I have posed to many minds, both agile and dull. The response, for me, has been perplexing and I feel more research into this social experiment is needed. The question?

Rape or Ape?


In it's simplest terms the question is this: You have a choice, either you get anally violated against your will, buggered senseless by a large, strong and extremely hairy human male. Something like this:

Unpleasant indeed. So, to be raped by a less placid version of this fellow OR have consensual, vaginal intercourse with a female shaved Ape(the following picture looks oddly photoshopped to me, but it was the best I could find).

Which do you choose? Which line do you cross? Unconsensual gender boundaries, or controlled bestiality? I have particularly aimed this question at men as the response is far stronger. In over two-thirds of the men asked, they would rather make love to another species, and possibly even cuddle afterwards, than get fucked by another man against their will.


So why this response? Is it a fear of homosexuality among straight men? Is it the idea of being the penetratee rather than the penatrator(which would be an awesome name for a latino dance move)? Is it about being in charge? Is it the hope that you could father some hybrid love child that wins ALL of the olympic medals in gymnastics? I can't say. More research is required. 


So please, start questioning people. The Greg Institute of Science and Bastardry needs your help. Ask your friends, ask your family and let me know. It works great as a conversation starter, so who knows? You might meet your soul mate over a discussion about how he wants to have sex with a hairless ape(What Hollywood calls the 'classic love story').


And as for me? I won't chicken out of the debate. I'm getting raped by the Bear-man every time. I don't think I could bring myself to sleep with the Ape, even if I knew how much it would enrage PETA.


Follow me on Twitter for ongoing discussion on Rape or Ape and a smorgasbord of other topics @GregTheBastard.